Seek me for "Me" not for the adventure I can bring to your life.

For the past two weeks we had a speaker named Donna Jordan, an older woman with a grandmother's heart who talked about "hearing the voice of God".  In the beginning I was skeptical because she made it look so easy and talked about Jesus like he was her greatest lover and best friend. Now I know this truth deeply, that Jesus is my greatest lover and best friend but yet something in me was repelling the way she was saying it. Back at my home church this "Jesus is my best buddy, all cuddly and casual" gospel is rejected because Jesus is also Holy and Almighty and Powerful beyond what we can imagine.  Often the "Jesus is our lover and our comfort" is preached alone without the rest of the picture of who he is, leading people to view him casually and see him more as a therapist there to meet all their needs than a Lord who they should fear (fear as in be in reverance of). I talked  to a staff member about it and she acknowledged that I had been taught well back home, and she reassured me that Donna has full knowledge of the big picture of who Jesus is, but was just focusing on this aspect of his character this week.

After realizing that I became more open to what she had to say. God does speak to us, in fact it says that "His sheep know his voice". I knew that, I just lost touch of what it meant to be listening for his voice and going to him every step of every day for guidance.  I also know that sometimes he chooses not to answer our questions to build faith or reliance or for his good purposes we can't comprehend, and sometimes things like sin, and a calloused conscience, fear of man, and a wrong understand of who he is can block his voice.  However on the last day he spoke to me so deeply it led to me to the ground crying in repentance.

We were given some quiet time to ask God three questions, the answer I received from the second one ruined me.

"What are your plans and purposes for me?"

I wrote, and his words flowed right onto the paper.

"The reason I don't give you the answer to this question is because I know if I did you would immediately try to do it on your own strength. You don't always need to be achieving for me, sometimes I just love to be with you. I will give you the pieces- I've brought you this far haven't I? I'm teaching you to rest in me, to love me for who I "am" not what "adventure"  I can bring in your life. I desire to see you flourish, I want to use you to bring many into the kingdom , to bring healing to hurting souls, to speak my words and sing songs of joy, I will not disappoint you.  Seek me and you will find "Me" not the plans of your life. Leave the control of them to me, it's not your job or worry. I can handle it for myself. "

So let me explain why this answer was so perfect. First of all I'm a GO GETTER and a FIGHTER. I was always a strong willed child, when I wanted something I was determined to get it. I'm also a hard worker and a planner so I like to get things done, and be in control of how they get done. When the Lord asked me to start a youth worship team I did it, when he asked me to start a prayer team for my young adults group I did it, when he asked me to raise over 12,000 dollars for Germany I did it. All of those things were in his timing. I think he knows though that I want to achieve for him and walk into what he has for me so bad right now , that if He told me I would rush it, and try to do it without waiting for his perfect timing. So he is teaching me how to Love him for who he is, not the adventure or thrill that a life following him brings. I guess a question I need to ask myself is if God told me that I would just work an average job, dull, repetitive, without much excitement, and to raise an average family, in a middle class community and not do much else would I still want to really follow Him? Now I know that that is not the plans he has for me at all, in fact it says that "No eye has seen, No ear has heard, No mind can conceive the great plans God has for those who love him." but asking that question reveals my motives for seeking him so clearly, and that needs to change.

No one wants to be friends with someone who is only their friend because of what they can give them. And unfortunately I have been taking advantage of "God" a bit in this way and using him to try to satisfy my own selfish desires. Well he's not letting me anymore and I'm glad. I do love him and want to know him deeper.

He's changed my heart for this DTS, if all I achieve is knowing him more and discovering who he more clearly then I will be content.

Amen.