The Heart behind the Art.

Ever had one of those moments where you suddenly realize that something isn't as important to you as it once was? Sometimes those can be discouraging because you realize it should be a higher priority to you but it isn't. In this case it's the opposite for me. I came here not even understanding that figuring out "My musical calling" was my main motivation.

Today as I was walking home and thinking about the day I noticed this strange contentedness instead of the anxiety I used to feel whenever I thought about my music.  Worries about never "making it" or getting too old or people not liking my style used to frequent my mind because that's what I thought God wanted, or at least I did, and I was afraid to fail. But being here my priorities have really switched. A few weeks ago he spoke to me about my music.

"Are you doing your art for me? For my glory? For making me known? For touching the hearts of my children? Or for the affirmation from others? For feeling like you have achieved something esteemed by them? For feeling significant and important? "

He challenged me with this "If you knew that your art would never be considered necessarily great or special but blessed even one person to come to a greater knowledge of who I am would you still do it?"

*Please note that when I talk about hearing God's voice and I write it down, I am trying to communicate to you the impressions and leadings I felt in the moment and am not quoting exact words from God by any means.

I realized then that I had got my motivations all mixed up with the need for people's affirmation and feeling like I was good enough. He was right- he gave me the ability to do art in the first place- it wasn't about elevating myself but elevating him.  

Since I discovered that, it's like this load has been lifted. I don't need to strive anymore or place my art's worth in the hands of other people. He is in control of it all anyways. If I am doing it with the right motivation in humbleness to glorify him he will use it- even if I don't always see fruit. He exalts those who humble themselves before him at the proper time. (1 Peter 4:6-7)

It's really freeing to be falling in love with Jesus and understanding his love for me all over again. It's like the more I understand him and who he is, the more I understand how taken care of I am, and the less I have to worry about anything.

My music isn't why I'm here, He is, and I can honestly say right now that even if he took away my musical ability completely and used me for something completely apart from it I would be so overjoyed- because I love him- and I just want to please him.

In fact I do still think he has plans to use my music in some way, but I also feel his leading in the areas of speaking and teaching and discipling young people and it's so cool! Guys it feels so good to rest in the love of Jesus for once. I used to strive but I'm discovering so much freedom to just be myself in his love.

He is so so so good :)

Tess